Voices of Experience
Parents (and students) share survival tips about the college years.
Sometimes it feels like everything about being the parent of a college student is daunting. You are experiencing something new more often than not, and you want to give the right answers. Chances are, you are doing just fine — and your student appreciates your support.
But as you face this ongoing learning curve, hearing what has and hasn’t worked for other parents in similar situations can help. Through surveys and other opportunities for feedback, the Parent Program has collected advice and practical tips from parents who have been there, done that, and are happy to share what they’ve learned with their fellow parents.
We’ve also included a few student voices, knowing that the true test of parental advice may be whether a student took it to heart.
If you have advice of your own that could help other parents, please send it via e-mail to parent@uwmad.wisc.edu.
Academics
- Ask about class performance and encourage your student to use all resources.
- Tell your student to enjoy learning
- Don’t try to select classes for your student
- Remind your student to read materials before the classroom lecture
- Support your student’s choice of classes and a major
- Encourage your student to pursue a major based on what he or she wants to be — not what he or she wants to do
- Encourage your student to get to know some of his or her professors
- It’s up to your student to worry about grades — not you
- Support your student’s interest in studying abroad
- Advise your student to sit in the first three rows in class.
Student voices:
- The most helpful piece of advice came after I would describe an awful situation with a person or a professor or a class, and my mom always asked, “Well, have you talked to them?” My answer used to be no, but I finally started going to office hours and introducing myself to people in my classes. This mentality has led me to be much more open with friends, coworkers, and professors, and has landed me some amazing opportunities and wonderful friends.
- I failed my first quiz ever, and I called my dad crying. I asked him if he would still love me if I got a C in a class. He said that he would still love me, and then he told me about a class he took that was really difficult and that he ended up feeling proud to get a C. It made me feel better to hear that sometimes you just need to alter your goals or definition of success.
New Experiences
- Encourage your student to try many different things, including a variety of extracurricular activities and events
- Remind your student that he or she will never again have affordable access to so many opportunities
- Allow your student to experience the good and the bad of college. It is a steppingstone in life.
Student voice: My parents told me to branch out from friends who came to UW–Madison from my high school. While at first it was nice to have those friends as a safety net, looking back I doubt that I would have been able to meet all of the people I have if I had merely stayed with those I already knew.
Housing
- Don’t rush into a housing decision with your student before the end of the first semester
- Encourage your student to live in University Housing for the second year
- Remind your student to not use his or her roommate’s towel — and to wash the sheets at least once a month!
Independence
- Help your student be prepared, but don’t solve all of his or her problems
- Let your student find his or her own way
- Don’t let your own likes or dislikes influence your student’s interests
- Advise your student to be persistent — to keep asking for help until he or she gets it
- The first few weeks are a big transition time with lots of decisions. Don’t be surprised if your student still needs you.
Finances
- Send money every now and then
- Send an occasional surprise greeting card with a gift card enclosed
- Remind your student to keep textbook receipts in case he or she changes classes after the first week
- Encourage your student to work on campus. He or she will love the extra money.
Student voice: My parents and I agreed upon a monthly budget and created mutual expectations for what kind of financial support we would each be responsible for. I knew they were always there when I needed them, but they never tried to micromanage my life or influence my choices unless I asked them to.
Safety and Health
- Prompt your student to keep up with assignments and get enough sleep
- Encourage your student to avoid stress by not procrastinating on class work and by leaving plenty of time to study for exams and quizzes
- Remind your student to be aware of his or her surroundings, and utilize SafeWALK
- Tell your student to not smoke.
Student voice: My mom told me three important things before coming to college: be safe on campus and always walk with my cell phone in hand, eat orange custard chocolate chip Babcock ice cream when I’m stressed, and do things that make me happy.
Communication
- Don’t smother your student or make ultimatums
- Listen to your student without judgment
- Maintain contact via e-mail, notes, letters, and care packages
- Don’t call more than once a week. Check in to see if your student prefers e-mail or texting
- Send lots of snail-mail letters and e-mails
- Listen, listen, and listen!
- Wait for your student to call you (within reason, of course)
- Don’t pester your student or ask more questions than necessary
- Recognize that some students need an adjustment period and don’t make connections right away. Telling your student that he or she should love college adds pressure.
Love and Support
- Always tell your student that you love him or her
- Don’t criticize performance or let your student give up
- Be there to support your student — not lecture your student
- Give your student space, but make it clear that you are available to talk when needed
- Realize that your student is going through a big transition and can be overwhelmed by emotions
- Let your student know that there’s nothing that he or she can’t do. If you believe it, your student will, too.
Decision Making
- Keep in touch, but don’t criticize. Whatever your student is trying to do, it’s a learning experience
- Let your student make his or her own decisions
- Don’t hover!
- Your student is getting used to making decisions. Don’t parent him or her to death.
Coping Skills for You
- Keep a sense of humor. Keep smiling through the stress. It helps all of you.
- Don’t take it personally if your student is easily irritated. Your student is going through a big transition; it’s not about you.