Information for Parents of First-Year Students
The transition from high school to college is an important milestone in the life of your son or daughter. While every student is different, feelings of nervousness, excitement, pressure, and success are quite common. The following timeline is designed to provide you with information about transitions that students commonly face during their first year of college.
It’s natural for you to want to experience the highs and lows with them, and even to protect them from problems they may encounter. However, we recommend that parents take on a coaching or mentoring role and encourage students to make their own decisions and chart their own path. You can use the information you learn at SOAR and from the Parent Program to refer your student back to on-campus resources. We hope that the following descriptions, advice, and conversation starters help you anticipate things that your son or daughter may experience and provide a useful tool for supporting him or her through this transition.
Purchasing a Laptop: Mac or PC?
The Division of Information Technology (DoIT) provides a wide variety of technology services to UW–Madison, including the DoIT Tech Store where students can purchase discounted computers, laptops, hardware, software, and accessories.
Representatives at the Tech Store will discuss the software available for purchase as well as walk you through the steps of purchasing a laptop. In order to make a purchase at that time, your student will need a student ID OR an ID number and a driver’s license.
When deciding on a type of laptop, DoIT advises to “go with what you know.” Students are also encouraged to call the department of his or her intended area of study to ask whether there are any specific requirements to be aware of before purchasing a laptop. UW–Madison computer labs and kiosks feature both PC and Mac computers.
For more information about purchasing a new computer, encourage your student to visit DoIT’s Web site.
UW–Madison New Student Timeline
Late summer
The weeks leading up to the start of classes can be filled with anxiety and anticipation. Students may be wondering if they will like it at UW–Madison. Will they like their roommates? Will they make friends? Will they be able to succeed in their classes? What will happen to their relationships with high school friends and family members?
Advice for parents and families
Be prepared for your student’s and your own conflicting
emotions as the day of departure approaches. Discomfort is
part of the process. Talk with your student about academic
expectations and encourage him/her to set goals. Make
a financial plan and openly discuss payment/spending
expectations. Talk about how often you plan to communicate
with each other. Discuss the use of alcohol and other
personal choices your student will be making. Encourage
responsibility, but know you cannot control what happens.
Conversation starters
- What are you most looking forward to about attending UW–Madison?
- What are you most nervous about?
- What plans do you have for saying goodbye to friends who are staying home or going to other schools?
- What plans do you have to stay in touch?
September
As students move to campus and begin classes, they are faced with new opportunities to make their own choices and experience new freedoms. Feelings of homesickness and the desire for frequent contact with family are common (see the information box on the next page for ways to be supportive of a homesick student). Students are also getting to know their roommates, making new friends on campus, and finding their way around. This tends to be a time when students incur a lot of expenses for items such as textbooks, school supplies, and room decorations/furnishings.
Advice for parents and families
Remember that you are now transitioning into being a
coach or mentor to your student. Listen with an open
mind and be supportive. Encourage your student to attend
campus welcome activities and meet new friends. Ask
about classes, friends, and opportunities for involvement.
Homesickness: Should I Be Worried?
Homesickness is normal! As with any major transition period, students will have their ups and downs. Many students feel homesick at one time or another during their first year. Here are some suggestions for ways you can be supportive
- Reassure your student that this is NORMAL. Remember, this is a major life transition, which is not often easy.
- Continue to listen with an open mind and be reassuring. Let your student know that you believe he or she will succeed. Use the information you learned at SOAR and through the Parent Program to refer your student back to on-campus resources and services that can help.
- Keep encouraging your student to make friends. For some students, it may be better to look around for other students who are alone and strike up a conversation. For others, it is better to connect with a group of students. If the first person is not someone he or she connects with, the second or third might be.
- Encourage your student to attend events and join organizations. There are approximately 750 student organizations at UW–Madison. Students should continue doing things they love—the activities that have contributed to their success in getting to this point—as well as try new things. Volunteering or getting a job are also great ways to connect with other students and learn outside of the classroom.
- The University Health Services Counseling Center is an excellent, confidential resource for students who are homesick. For assistance with urgent mental health concerns, 24-hour crisis intervention services are available to UW–Madison students, and to others concerned about a UW–Madison student, by calling 608-265-5600.
- Encourage your student to talk to his or her House Fellow or Resident Advisor. House Fellows are trained and experienced in supporting students who are homesick. They also have access to resources and people who can help.
Conversation starters
- What is your roommate like?
- Which classes seem most interesting to you?
- Have you found a good place to study?
- What events have you attended?
- Is the amount of money we agreed upon working out?
October–November
Classes are in full swing, and students are beginning to get feedback on their progress. Some will experience shock at the amount of work they have for their classes and may struggle with managing their time. Others will be disappointed about grades on their first exams or papers. Roommate conflicts may also flare up at this time after the initial “honeymoon” phase is over (see the box on the following page for how to be supportive during roommate conflict). In addition, course registration for spring is quickly approaching, and students will be making plans with their academic advisors. Some students are already discussing plans to move off campus for next fall. Of course, life will still continue at home, and students will want to stay informed about what’s going on with their families.
Advice for parents and families
To be reassuring to your son or daughter, express confidence
that he or she can succeed in this environment.
Have two-way conversations: let your student know
what’s going on at home and don’t make any major
changes without talking about it first (moving, vacations,
remodeling his or her room, etc.). Talk about study skills
and time management, and refer to campus resources.
Encourage your student to approach his or her instructors
for help and consult with an academic advisor when
selecting next semester’s classes. Discuss plans for upcoming
events, such as a trip home for Thanksgiving. Break
periods are approaching quickly—how will this change
things in your home? Ask about study time, workload, and
involvement in campus organizations/activities. As your
student begins to make housing decisions for next year,
talk about all of the factors to consider, including whether
to remain on campus or move off campus, and how to
handle meals. Pay special attention to what type of living
environment will help your student be most successful
academically. If your student chooses to live off campus,
encourage taking plenty of time to make a decision. Important
information about living off campus, and the most
comprehensive listings for available rentals in downtown
Madison, can be found at the Campus Area Housing
Web site.
Conversation starters
- How are you managing the workload? What is your study schedule?
- What courses are you thinking of taking next semester?
- Are you thinking about joining any groups or clubs or activities? Which ones? Why?
- Have you met with any of your professors or teaching assistants?
- What can you do differently on your next exam/paper to do better?
December
As final exams approach, students may feel more stress about academics. This, combined with the onset of winter weather in Wisconsin, can leave some students feeling run down. While they may be excited for the semester to end, some students are also disappointed about missing holiday preparations at home.
Advice for parents and families
Sending a care package that includes healthy snacks, cold
remedies, and favorite holiday items from home can go a
long way to boosting your student’s spirits and his or her
immunity to illness. Discuss plans for winter break, including
vacation time, working, or doing work for classes.
Understand that planning for the holidays is not the same
without everyone present.
Conversation starters
- What are you doing to stay well during finals week?
- Which exams are you most concerned about?
- What could I send you to make you feel better?
- What do you want to do at home during your break?
What is the Role of a House Fellow?
House Fellows are upper-class student mentors who work with residents in each House to build a strong community, to assist students with solving problems, and to help students get connected on campus. Encourage your student to get to know his or her House Fellow.
Winter break
With final exams finished, many students return home for winter break, and there may be concerns about how they will adjust to routines at home. For many, winter break is an opportunity to catch up on sleep and reconnect with friends they haven’t seen in months. They will also begin to receive their first-semester grades and experience joy, disappointment, or relief.
Advice for parents and families
Conversations about expectations and schedules before
and after your son or daughter returns home can help ease
the transition for all family members.
Conversation Starters
- Let’s talk about how the rules will change for you when you are home, now that you are a college student.
- What was the best part of your first semester in college?
- What would you do differently?
- What classes are you taking next semester?
- Have you thought about where you are going to live next year?
Roommate Conflict
It’s completely normal for conflict to develop between roommates as both roommates may be sharing a room for the first time, likely with someone who is quite different from themselves. Most students are able to work things out when they discuss issues directly with one another.
As a parent, you can support your student through this process by referring him or her to resources provided by University Housing, rather than by getting directly involved yourself. If the roommates cannot work things out themselves, encourage your student to contact his or her House Fellow. House Fellows are upper-class students who undergo a rigorous selection and training process. An important role of House Fellows is to help students create a comfortable living situation. They are trained in conflict resolution and are available to discuss roommate conflicts privately or with your student and his/her roommate in hopes of making a compromise. If no negotiation is possible, the House Fellow will then contact the appropriate staff within University Housing to seek further solutions to the situation.
January/February
Students should strive to return from winter break with renewed energy for the semester ahead. This is a typical time for students to reassess their time-management strategies and turn over a new leaf, if necessary. Students may also engage in more exploration about their majors or careers, changing their minds or solidifying previous choices. Also, students begin thinking about spring break, including making plans for travel, work, or catching up on coursework.
Advice for parents and families
The house is empty again—it’s a roller coaster ride! You
might feel some anxiety about your student’s grades.
This is a good time to review or revise budgets based on
a semester’s worth of experience. Also ask what changes
might need to occur to ensure academic success. Encourage
spring break safety. Inquire about taxes and the
FAFSA, and, if you haven’t done so already, talk with your
student about plans for living arrangements next year.
(University Housing contracts are due in February, and
a lease for off-campus housing may need to be signed
soon.) Also see October/November’s advice for parents
and families regarding making housing decisions.
Conversation starters
- What do you like about your new classes?
- Are you doing anything differently with your studying this semester?
- Have you decided what you are doing for spring break?
- Tell me about your good friends on campus.
- Have you decided where to live next year?
March/April/May
Spring break comes and goes, and many students start making plans for the summer, all in the midst of another set of midterms. Most students feel more confident with their time-management skills and experience less stress with their exams this time around. They will also be enrolling in classes for the fall and considering options for the summer. Some students will have mixed feelings about leaving Madison for the summer, and others will decide to stay to take classes and/or pursue summer work opportunities. As the spring semester ends, you are likely to be amazed at the changes in your student and all that he or she has accomplished this year.
Coming Home for the Summer
When your student comes home for the summer after freshman year at college, life will be different than it was before. Although that seems obvious, without giving it some prior thought, misunderstandings and conflicts can arise when your son or daughter seems to be following a different script than you are.
Living away from home for a school year is a life-changing event, and your student will be comfortable with and used to independence, especially coming and going without checking in with anybody. That could be an area of conflict if you expect a phone call to let you know when your student will be home.
On the other hand, you may be anticipating new-found maturity and independence, and be disappointed to find the kitchen sink filled with dirty dishes, laundry left for you to do, and the gas tank on empty when you need the car. It can be daunting to realize that even though your student is now technically an adult, your role as a mentor and coach is still in play. In the process of launching him or her as an independent adult, you will need to continue reinventing just what that role is.
You also may think you know your student’s interests and identity, but you could find that he or she has made some major changes without discussing those changes with you. The young woman who was set on being a veterinarian may now want to study history, and she may also refuse to participate in the family religion. The young man who was adamantly opposed to an earring may come home with a tattoo or a nose ring. There will no doubt be some emotional and rocky times during the summer, but your lives will be enriched if mutual respect and listening are the guides you and your student establish for staying connected with each other.
Advice for parents and families
With a year under your student’s belt, this is a good time
to check in about credit card use. Talk about any changes
that should be made for academic success. Encourage
your student to take advantage of Choosing a Major
Workshops offered by Cross
College Advising Service. Be
thinking about what your own plans are for the summer.
If your student is returning home, discuss expectations
regarding rules and responsibilities for the summer as well
as expectations for earning money and saving for the upcoming
year. To help with this transition, see the box titled
“Coming Home for the Summer” on the following page.
Conversation starters
- What courses are you taking next year? Are you starting to narrow in on a possible major?
- What are you looking forward to about your living arrangements for next year?
- How do you think you have changed this year?
- What do you wish you had done differently in your first year of college?
- I am so proud of everything you have learned and accomplished this year!
UW–Madison’s Advice for Parents and Families
Change is exciting and can also be stressful. Be prepared for your student’s—and your own—conflicting emotions during this time of transition. Discomfort is a normal part of the process.
- Express your confidence that your student will be able to successfully navigate this new environment. By serving more as a coach than a problem solver, you will help your student develop this ability.
- Talk with your student about how often you will communicate by phone, letter, e-mail, or text message. Discuss the frequency of visits home and family visits to campus, and be aware that these tend to change semester by semester.
- Talk with your student about expectations regarding academics, major choice and careers. Encourage your student to set his or her own academic goals. Be aware that the college learning environment is very different than high school, and students may not immediately earn the same superior grades as they did previously.
- Make a financial plan and talk about how your son or daughter intends to pay for expenses. Discuss payment/ spending/employment options.
- Discuss the use of alcohol and other personal choices that your son or daughter will be making. Encourage responsibility, but know that you cannot control everything that happens.
- Acknowledge that college is a time for students to try new things and meet people who might be different from them in a variety of ways. Be supportive as your student engages in new activities and moves outside his or her previous comfort zone.
- Inform your son or daughter about major changes at home (moving, remodeling his or her room, etc.).
- Help your student stay connected to activities at home. Acknowledge that your student may be sad about missing family birthdays and holidays and community events. Find creative ways to keep him or her involved and informed.
- Send care packages with notes from home, practical items, or treats to share with roommates and friends. These are especially welcome during more stressful times of the semester.